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Unkle Munky Pg 93
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions. *Munky is also available here... ---- This week Munky is sweet on Gabriella Cilmi... Artist - Gabriella Cilmi. Song - Sweet About Me. *Click here to play... *Videos prone to removal. ---- Advertisement. ---- Torched. The Olympic torch has been successfully lit at a ceremony in Greece. My request for a light, however, was met with both derision and denial. I wouldn’t mind, Munky, but I am sponsored by Benson & Hedges!? Unkle Munky says -''' Selfish bastards! ---- Melinda from Ballycastle asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Whenever I ask my boyfriend to pass me something he always says, ‘…and would madam like a bag with that?’ He has recently started working in retail. Could this strange anomaly be connected to said position? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Melinda, This is quite a common condition amongst retail workers. It can best be described as a repetitive strain disorder of the mouth. Would you like fries with that? Ahem. I do apologise, Melinda. I once worked for McDonald’s. ---- Homework Corner. Graham from Orkney asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am currently doing my history homework and would appreciate some interesting facts regarding Sir Isaac Newton. 'Unkle Munky says -' Certainly Graham. Sir Isaac Newton invented gravity in 1982. Prior to this date, items that were not securely anchored caused both mayhem and turmoil. Tiring of his daily collisions with various inanimate objects, Sir Isaac set about inventing his most celebrated contraption - The Gravity Machine. Early incarnations of said machine would only affect soft fruits (such as apples, oranges and pears). Further advances in technology, however, eventually saw Mr. Newton leading the way in all things gravity-related. *Here for the first time is a digitally enhanced reproduction of Sir Isaac’s visionary prototype (Super Delux twin speed) ''But surely that’s a washing machine, Munky?'' 'Unkle Munky says -' A common misconception, Ms. Sickness, a common misconception. ---- More From Bungle Bear... ---- Bra Advice. Joanne from Bradbury asks - Dear Unkle Munky, What should I be looking for in a bra? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Joanne, Personally I look for a good pair of tits. ''Oh fer fuck’s sake! Dear Joanne, I have taken the liberty of passing your query onto our consumer correspondent, Ms. Rogue Minogue.'' ---- Rogue Minogue. 'Unkle Munky says -' Thanks Kylie. Some great advice there and no mistake. Here is a picture that I firmly suspect portrays the kind of bra that you have in mind. ''Ms. Motion Sickness adds - I give up.'' ---- ---- Barry's Barmy Origami. Barry from Wales asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My origami supply company is in the process of folding. What can I do? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Barry, I would recommend that you seek immediate advice with regards to the freezing of your current assets. ''I think he’s messing around with you, Munky. Origami? Folding?'' 'Unkle Munky replies -' Uh? …I don’t get it. ''Ms. Sickness sighs - Roll on five o clock…'' ---- Man on a Hill. 'Unkle Munky says -' What can you see today, Man on a Hill? ---- Mandy from Blakemore asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I do voluntary work for an organisation that raises money for various good causes. With this in mind I was wondering if you might be interested in helping us to save the whale? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Mandy, You need to be more specific. Which particular whale are you referring to and what predicament has caused him/her to require a munky’s assistance? Incidentally, if I do choose to help I will require the loan a water-wing. One of mine has currently got a puncture and as a result I appear to swim in circles. Mandy replies - What the fuc…? ---- Dear Ms. Sickness, Why have you deemed it necessary to append a picture of a snail to the previous query? ''Ms. Sickness (Munky’s assistant) replies - Sorry Munky. I appear to have misread Mandy’s post. I guess I should phone the printers with regards to the five hundred ‘Save the Snail’ posters that I’ve ordered for you?'' 'Unkle Munky says -' Oh fer fuck’s sake! ---- More Bungling Around. ---- ''Will Bungle be reporting from anywhere else this week, Munky!?''' '''Unkle Munky says -' Not so long as there’s a chance of a free flapjack, Mary, no. They’re his favourite and no mistake. ---- ---- Unkle Munky is also available here... ---- Next... Previous... Munky's Memos... Return to Munky Menu...